Random information: I just realized that my last post marked my 100 post milestone. I have a friend who hasn't been blogging nearly as long as me and she hit #100 at least a month ago.
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I know I promised pictures, but I'm on Brien's laptop, and there are no pictures on his computer to upload. I could probably find some desert phots, but that's about it.
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I'm having trouble typing on this keyboard, it feels very different from the desktop or my laptop, so please ignore the typos that I am bound to miss, it feels like there will be lots of them.
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Now to the good stuff. I had a great Mother's Day. Brien made a wonderful breakfast for me. He had purchased a few flowering plants for our yard that are dedicated to me; Zarina bought me a new hat for hiking, evidently mine didn't have a wide enough brim. I am continually telling Brien he needs to take care of his nose, because he won't look to good if it has to be cut off due to skin cancer. Brien let me know that my current hat wasn't taking care of my nose.
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I think I've written about this before, but I need to do it again. I am having trouble with the baby blues. I wouldn't say it's full-blown postpartum depression, but I have trouble feeling as happy and content as I used to. When we first moved to Ely I felt somewhat depressed, and I while pregnant I worried that those feelings would return when I had the baby.
The first few months of motherhood were good because I had the holidays and lots of traveling to keep me busy, but I would have to say that for most of this year I have had lots of ups and downs. Right now I feel up, or at least not down. I have lots of things that should be keeping me busy, but it's quite difficult to feel the motivation to do anything.
I try to feel happy with the little successes, going out for a walk, emptying and loading the dishwasher, sweeping and vacuuming. Really whenever I complete any task I tell myself, "Good job! You didn't just sit around the house today."
My baby is wonderful. I love to hold her and just marvel at how incredible she is, but it's so much harder to be a stay-at-home mom then I thought it would be. A while ago, before I was even married, I remember hearing about PPD and I thought, "I don't want that to happen to me. I want to be able to stay occupied and happy." Actually, I thought I was a happy enough person that I would never have to worry about anything like depression or the blues in my everyday life.
I feel lonely, isolated, unmotivated, and since I haven't been writing about this, I feel as though I've been trying to conceal everything, and that's not helpful for me. I've always been one to share everything with everyone, for better or worse.
The other night I was laying in bed thinking of everything I should write, everything I've been feeling and all the emotions I've been experiencing. At this moment I can't remember more of what I wanted to share. I'm distracted by the fussy baby (I think it's time for a short nap), the scent of a tasty dinner (made by Brien) and this awkward keyboard. I will likely write more on this topic later. It makes me feel better to type it out, regardless of whether anyone reads or comments. This is for me.
10 comments:
I'm sure you know that you aren't the only one out there that is going/has gone through the baby blues. It's not something that people really talk about, but it's something that is pretty common. You could be the happiest person ever and it could still happen to you. If it continues, I would advise talking to your doctor about it. There's no shame in needing help. A lot of girls in my ward had babies around the same time. It was nice to be able to talk about all the emotions and crazy feelings we had after the pregnancy and to know that we weren't the only ones feeling that way. I hope it gets better for you!
I have the baby blues after every baby. I do all the right things too. I just get it. I cry at the drop of a hat and everything, everyone does (including me) is wrong. Negative thoughts are my biggest problem so I rely heavily
on the good compliments I can give myself.
There is menoteny in motherhood, but there is menoteny in a lot of jobs. I have to remember that too. It clears up for me when the baby is 9-12 months. When they can move on there own, I feel better.
I struggle too. I hope knowing this about me helps you.
That's tough to deal with. I think I had the same kind of thing going on the first couple of months that Addy was born. For me I think it was more due to lack of sleep than anything. It's hard when you're not close to family and friends, I can understand that part. I'm glad that you were able to type it out, because I'm sure that helped to some extent. If you would ever like to chat via e-mail or phone, I would be happy to talk to you! I'm at home pretty much all the time too, so I'm not difficult to reach.
I love you and though we just talked about it yesterday, I got the blues too. I also had very negative thoughts, though they might have been slightly different than Mary's.
I also had very negative thoughts while teaching Lilah today. (I pretty sure it's just that I don't know what is acceptable at this age in learning so I think I'm demanding too much.)
I love you.
I am so gad that you have decided to write about it. I know from experience (not PPD, but Depression in general) that talking about it or even writing about makes a huge difference. I wish that I could be there to help keep you oocupied... :-) We miss you sis and we hope that you three will be able to make a visit out here soon!!!! We love you!!!!!
I don't know what you're going through with the baby blues, having never been a mom, but I know from general experience that it can be hard. You're doing the best thing though, by talking about it. You'll make it, I'm sure of it.
It's funny that there was a news article the other night about a woman whose blog saved her from depression (I can't remember if it was PPD or what). You should check her blog out: www.dooce.com. She just won a best blog of the year award. Hang in there! Love you!
Hang in there is does get better! I so understand!!!! If you need to go see you Dr. sometimes they only want to talk, and not medicate.
It can be so hard to be home alone with a little one who doesn't talk back yet needs you so much.
You are a loved Daughter of God! Rely on him.
Andrea,
We love you! I know you think I am a workout freak, but honestly it does wonders for you mood. The whole reason we (Dennis) started working out in the first place was becasue of depression and headaches. It really does work wonders. I know it is hard with a little one, now that the weather is better hopefully you will get out more, the sunshine helps too. And it dosent hurt to talk to your doctor, a couple of your sister-in-laws have had the same problem. Take steps to find some kind of help now, it is difficult on the spouse also, I know, I was the spouse.
Again we love you
Deneece
Good thing for the universality of human experience. I know the feeling. I'm glad you are feeling better!
Hey Andrea,
I've been thinking a lot about your post, and just now have time to comment. I think you are very brave for sharing your feelings. It isn't easy, is it? Even for us who are very open with others.
I don't know how you feel, but I know what it's like to be very very sad, and to push through the dark times even when I have no desire. My thoughts and prayers are with you...
--rachel
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